In my About page, I mentioned that I ran across an old blog, one that I wrote in June of 2008. I made it through three posts and stopped. The blog was dedicated to losing 40 pounds so I could be at 125 in order to be competitive in the professional performing arts arena. 40 pounds. I was 165. Four years later, I’m about 191. 26 pounds HEAVIER.
Oh, how depressing. So. Depressing.
I carry weight relatively deceptively. When I’m clothed, you’d never guess that I weigh 191 pounds. I wear a size 12. I develop muscle pretty quickly. Three months ago, I was doing an “ease into 10K” running program that was about an hour long and got up to 5 miles of running/walking. I was doing a lot of dancing, and the weight was coming off. I was about 180. One overuse injury and three months later, here I am. Fat. Feeling gross. Unhappy with my body. And, even a few days after Thanksgiving, I’m SERIOUSLY bloated. As in, I weigh about 6 pounds more than I did a week ago, and that’s entirely due to bloating and water retention. (You can see it in the pictures at the bottom of the page.)
So. My goals! I figure I can start auditioning seriously at 160.
Current Weight: 191
Interim Goal: 160
Ultimate Goal: 135
I’d like to set some date-related goals, too:
Late February/Early March (3 months from now): First big fat audition
Late June (7 months from now): Wear a swimsuit with confidence for my birthday!
It seems that the universe is delivering one kick in the pants after another. I took a “before” picture the other day, and I cried when I saw it. Then that blog. Then I saw myself in my favorite jeans. Then I caught a glimpse in a mirror of myself sitting next to my brother’s teeny tiny girlfriend. I literally cannot believe I’m going to post these photos online. They are humiliating. BUT. If the goal of this year is doing things I’m afraid to do…well, I’m terrified of this. Here we go:
Fear Free Year 