Temptation to binge slipup–tackled! After I rode it out, I didn’t have the temptation to pig out. Also, I’ve figured out that making pasta with lots of veggies and a quarter cup of part-skim ricotta is delicious, full of protein, and low-cal–but it tastes like a super-rich, high-cal dish. Yay!
No sooner had I worked through that one than my self-sabotaging brain moved on to the next strategy: telling me that I should take a break because I don’t feel great. The other day, I felt like crap. My muscles hurt, I was exhausted, and I didn’t want to do anything. I wasn’t sick– just having an off day. So my sneaky little brain starts saying, “Maybe you should just rest for the day. It will be better in the long run.”
A slippery slope.
Again, I recognized it, treated myself to a two-hour nap, got up, and did the 30 Day Shred Level 2. And I felt awesome. YEAH. Take THAT, self-sabotage.
Also, speaking of the 30 Day Shred Level 2–I HATE it. Hate it. I hate the continuous plank-position exercises that leave my shoulders shaking. I hate the chair squats with the lateral V-raise thingy, which always have me howling.
The one thing that’s been getting me through that 30 minutes is visualization. I’ve been watching The Biggest Loser Season 11 (my FAVORITE season), and Jillian Michaels talks about how your mind needs to believe that you can do something before your body will do it. Obviously, that’s part of my problem. As I’ve said before, I’m terrified of what it will feel like and be like when I lose the weight. After researching it, I landed on an article about the power of visualization. The piece said to turn off the lights and all external noises and spend five minutes imagining what success will feel like. It said to walk through a specific experience that exemplifies success in your head, feeling all of the emotions and sensations. Sounds corny, but I was really struggling with that fear.
So before I went to bed one night, I laid there and imagined walking out onto a stage at my goal weight. In jeans that fit perfectly and a fitted shirt, without feeling self-conscious about my stomach sticking out or my arms looking fat or muffin top or a fat ass or legs that are too short and too wide. I walked through it in my mind, feeling the wind of the open-air theater. I jumped forward to seeing my name on the casting sheet. Then I jumped to a dance rehearsal, where I was wearing tight dance clothes without feeling like a sausage. I felt my arm muscles flex and my core engage and my leg muscles power through a tough dance. I felt the joy of doing a perfect sequence across the floor and feeling light and powerful and graceful instead of clunky and chubby and embarrassed. And the CONFIDENCE! I imagined what it would be like if my outsides matched my confident and fabulous insides.
It was odd at first, but after a while, I was able to feel it in my mind and muscles. And since then, I haven’t had those urges to binge. I’m not there yet, of course, but it was a HUGE start. And now, when I think I want to die from the stupid V raises, I think of standing on that stage with my arms out and face turned to the sun, and I power through. Because I want that feeling and my mind is closer to believing it’s a possibility.
The Biggest Loser folks also talk a lot about not running away when you meet something scary, pushing through fear and stepping out of your comfort zone. I’m trying to keep that in mind as I make some major life changes in the upcoming two months. Yikes! I wonder how wise it is to step out of my comfort zone in EVERY area of my life all at once, though. Do I need some sort of security somewhere? I can’t tell if that’s my mind or my heart speaking.
Fear Free Year 